Lesson Learned from Trick or Treaters

It’s Halloween and I just received a transfer from the PICU, a little boy just under two, wearing a Spiderman costume. He came despite needing 5 different IV medications at that time (all needing to be on time because he had a medication every hour, some not compatible with others). He wanted so much to ‘trick or treat’ on our unit with the other kids at noon. The hustle and bustle of moving him floor to floor, all the while transporting him with oxygen tubes and a tank, spo2 and cardiac monitors and leads, and multiple IV tubing and pumps exhausted him. By the time he made it to his room at 12:15 he just wanted to sleep. His parents wanted him to trick or treat because they knew very well, despite being the fiercest of fighters I ever knew, that this might be his last chance. And it was.

Unfortunately for me, I was still learning to appreciate each moment and enjoying it instead of being caught up on what’s next. It was extremely important for me to stay on task with the IV meds because the child’s life did depend on it, but I wish I could have done something to help him enjoy his last Halloween better. As a new-ish nurse, I was overwhelmed with the hour long report, the bucket of wound care supplies, the new oxygen device I was learning to use, the tangles of IV tubing to sort through, and a complicated medication schedule 7 pages long I had to get back on schedule. Not to mention the other patient I was taking care of and his medications, etc. There is no use in going back and wishing I did differently, because I did do my best for my skills at the time, but I have learned from it. The memory or the boy in the Spiderman costume will always remind me to take the time to enjoy the now.

This is the lesson, among others, I learned also from a tiny five year old girl, bald as can be, in a fairy costume that same day. She was able to trick or treat, but if I were her, I would have been in bed. She rode around on her little tricycle, fairy wings trailing behind her as she went from nurse station to nurse station, croaking “Trick or Treat!” Barley croaking. This poor little girl was undergoing radiation to her neck and chemotherapy. She had red angry and bleeding burns like a collar around her neck, and her throat was full of mucositis. Imagine one mouth sore, open and erupted all down your throat. Most kids (and adults) can’t even swallow their own spit. But there she was, croaking ‘trick or treat’ and smiley widely and excitedly with each new conquest of candy. Her situation was less than ideal. If she were older she might have thought, ‘why me?” Or, ‘Why can’t I be trick or treating like other kids?’ Or obsessing over how life would be when she was through with this awful trial. Instead she enjoyed what she could, when she could. I will never forget the beauty and strength in that little girl, and will forever be amazed that it belonged to such a tiny person with a bald head.

The Desk Revival

One of the first projects I attacked when moving in to our new apartment in Beaverton was reviving the desk Matt and Sarah gave us! So about 3 days before we were to move Cory and I were visiting at Matt and Sarah's house. The girls were doing the girl thing (sewing) and boys their thing (playing Halo). Right before Cory and I were about to take off the topic of revivals came up. I had been looking for a desk pretty much exactly like the one Sarah used as her sewing desk. She graciously said we could take it! So the next day we took her sewing desk! (Thanks Sarah! I hope you found a new one!) They had painted it brown, and it looked great, but I always wanted a white one! It took me about 2 weeks to finish the desk because I first had to use a paint stripper (which had big warnings for permanent brain damage if you are exposed to it for too long) so I had to do a little bit at a time. I then sanded the whole thing over and over again! Then I put on FOUR coats of primer and two-three coats of paint! It took forever to get the little grooves just right and man I disliked painting the little round legs but I love the desk now!

 I lined the inside of the desks with fun contact paper and found these pretty glass knobs on Amazon.

The finished project! Now I have a desk to work on while Cory games on his! :) And we can be in the same room now! Cory was happy when I was done. But then I brought our coffee table down to the garage. Someday he'll get to park in the garage! :)

The Grimacer's Music

Sorry, just another piece of writing from me! This was a true story. More regular blog pictures to come soon!

The Grimacer’s Music

I walked into his room and despite myself I jumped back. I was scared. This man’s face was contorted into a feral grimace. Teeth were bared. Nose was wrinkled. I jumped back because I first saw these things. I stayed because beneath this mask I saw kindness in his eyes. The kindness was unmistakable.  Embarrassed by my behavior I said Hi. This man was unabashed. He immediately explained why his face was contorted into the Grimace. He was born this way. He had a loving mother. He was told by some to choose a career that would keep nicely tucked into a cubicle of solitude. He took their advice and did accounting and hated it, for he loves people. He went back to school and became a social worker. He married and had children. He helped youth on the streets. He helped me. He showed me that no matter what your circumstances, you can choose your own path. He showed me that no matter how ugly (no pun intended) life seems to be it can be beautiful.

                He first gave me the gift of his story, and then the gift of his music. He took out his old accordion and asked to play a few hymns for me. I was concerned looking at the accordion wondering what type of old geezer music it would produce. I was surprised. From that accordion came the most beautiful and transfixing hymns I have ever heard. The music put me in a peaceful trance. The man’s face remained in its ever permanent grimace throughout the renditions, but I was happy that he had given me the chance to see a glimpse of his exquisite soul. If you ever get a chance to meet the Grimacer, ask him to tell you a story or two and you might get lucky enough to hear his music.

The Lights

Let me preface this post with an explanation: I have been reading The Book Thief  and LOVE it! Finally another novel I can become totally immersed in and learn a thing or too also! It's about a German girl living in Nazi Germany and the prose is so fun to read. So how does this offer an explanation for this post? The narrator of the The Book Thief is death itself. Sounds odd but it works out wonderfully in the book. Anyways, I had the opportunity to ponder death from working as a nurse in pediatric oncology. Sometimes it was tough to internalize what was happening at work so I would write my thoughts down.  

The Lights

                Sometimes I look at humans as different lights, each shining to their own intensity. Some are like a low burning ember, steady through the night. Some like a bright intense firework, with a load quick boom burnt out as quickly as ignited. Each is beautiful in its own kind, each tragic in its own kind.  Rhoda was the firework kind.  She made her presence known with a deafening boom. Her light burned your eyes and she was gone as quickly as she came. Her silhouette still burned in your vision as the smoke fell from her existence. She was either loving you or hating you. She threw herself haphazardly in loves path, ending up pregnant at 14. Just as haphazard as she was to life, life was to her. Four months into her pregnancy she found out she had leukemia. Despite the leukemia and the sometimes debilitating treatment she evaded the despair that often comes on cancer’s turf and lived her life as loudly as she wanted. A risk here, a party here, a fight with her boyfriend but always reconciling again. A shout and a curse at me when I made her go on walks, but a tear later, a hug, and the same trust she had in me from the beginning. That is how I remember her. Out of everything she could have died from, she died from her own fire.  She was snuffed out on her own terms with a deafening boom. She died partying. Her heart kept beating furiously until it could beat no more. It’s a shame she died from street drugs, after all the poison we gave her. At least she had her choice, and I think she would be OK with her pick.

                Then there’s the slow embers type. The kind that just never knows when to give up. They start off as a deep steady glow and then a twitch of light here and there, and then a peaceful darkness. I can see them in their beds at the nursing homes I would visit when I was still deciding what type of light I would be. I help on to their embers, and they help onto the fuel I gave them to keep glowing. Their lights would stir when I came in the room. It flickered beautifully as they told me of days when they were strong embers. At first I wondered why they didn’t just let go. It seemed easier to me. But these lights enjoyed savoring their ember years. They turned those memories over in their minds; they spit them out at anyone who would listen. I remember one in particular. She was quite the flickering coal, growing dark with Alzheimer’s. She sat in her wheelchair in the hallway cursing at me whenever I passed by. That was the flickering part. I think she must have been German by that mouth of hers. She was growing cold but had spark enough to curse. Despite her going cold I felt her warmth once when I sat next to her. Instead of a flicker of curses I received the warm embrace of her hand and a “I love you.” It was then that I came to understand why these lights hang on for so long…..love……and they want to keep giving it.

Cory's Graduation!

I'm taking a break from packing to work on our blog. Do you like the makeover it received? Cory was the tech guy and I was the creative genius. I don't know how Cory can figure out how to write websites, but I guess it explains why he'll be working for Intel! On April 20 Bette, Kyle and I went to Cory's graduation to support and cheer for him. We are all so proud of him! He accomplished much in the program, including working with the Graduate Finance Association, winning the Utah's ACG cup and placing second in the the national Wharton LBO competition.

 This is the infamous Tanner building in which Cory spent numerous hours studying. I'm jealous of his space though! When I studied on campus I was either crammed in some nook of the Harold B. Lee library or the basement of the Kimball tower. I wish I thought of studying here!

T

 After the graduation we spent some time taking pictures of our Alma Mater so we can proudly show our children someday. We will miss you BYU!

#336633 #336633

Poetry and Photography

This Red Robin sat in this tree one winter day for about 4 hours and inspired this poem. I was also waiting for Cory to come home (he had another late night at school) and was missing him. I was wondering if this robin was also waiting for someone! Please note you can click on the images to view them larger!

Lonely Bird

It’s morning and little bird sits on the naked branch

The sun just tickling the edges of the world

Little bird does not greet the day with a song

But on the branch waits alone

It’s afternoon and little bird still sits on the branch

The brilliant sun reveals the world in it’s

Wintery glory and all it’s glitter

Little bird does not soar above the wonder

But on the branch waits alone

Evening comes and with it a gentle wind

That swells into gusts

The branches sway in response

Color drains the sky

But upon the branch little bird remains

Strong feet cling to shaking branch

Rosy chest amid the cold night warms the sight

For little bird won’t be moved until her honey comes home

 I will truly miss the snow and the palette of blues it creates! I will also miss this lovely view of Lone Peak from my house!

Tikka Masala and Flat Bread

Poor Cory wasn't feeling good today but was still a good sport for my pictures! Cory and I had a wonderful Sunday together! Our Sunday's together are a rarity (once a month) so I decided to go all out and made Tikka Masala and Indian Flat Bread! Since it was finally a success I thought I'd share the recipes!

 

 For the Tikka Masala I used an adapted version from the Pioneer Woman's website. http://thepioneerwoman.com/cooking/2009/06/chicken-tikka-masala-by-pastor-ryan/
But I couldn't bear using 1 1/2 cups of Heavy Cream and tweaked a few other things so here's my version.

Tikka Masala

Ingredients:

• 4 Chicken Breasts halves (I use 2 packages of the pre-packed boneless skinless breasts from Costco)
  
• Kosher Salt
• Ground Coriander
• Cumin, To Taste
• 1 cup Plain Yogurt
• 3 Tablespoons Olive Oil 
• 1 whole Large Onion
• 4 cloves Garlic (I use 4 cubes frozen minced garlic cubes from the Dorot brand)
• 4 teaspoons minced fresh ginger (I use 4 cubes frozen minced ginger cubes from Dorot)
• Garam Masala (recipe below)
• 3 14 ounce cans Diced Tomatoes
• 2 Teaspoon white sugar
• 2 cups Basmati Rice  
• Fresh Cilantro
• Frozen Peas
• 1 TBS curry powder
  
  

Gram Masala

I could not find this in the grocery store so I "googled" it and found this recipe.

Mix together the following ingredients:

1 TBS cumin

1 1/2 tsp. coriander

1 1/2 tsp. cardamom

1 1/2 tsp. pepper

1 tsp. cinnamon

1/2 tsp. cloves

1/2 tsp. nutmeg

Preparation Instructions

Start by placing ½ cup plain yogurt in a gallon size zip lock bag along with 1 tsp. cumin, ½ tsp. Coriander ¼ tsp. pepper and ½ tsp. kosher salt. Mix in bag. Next rinse the chicken breasts with water and pat them dry with paper towels. Place chicken in back with yogurt mixture and squish around so chicken gets coated and place in refrigerator for 30 minutes to marinate. Set the chicken on a metal cooling rack over a foil-lined baking sheet and place it about 10-12 inches below a broiler for 5-7 minutes per side. Watch carefully so as not to totally char the chicken. It should have slightly blackened edges. Remove from oven and let rest for at least 5 minutes and then cut into small cubes, set aside.

Next dice one large onion. In a large skillet heat 3Tbs. olive oil over medium-high heat. Toss in the onions and sauté until they are slightly browned. Add the garlic and ginger to the onions. Also throw in about 1 teaspoon of salt.

Next you are going to add about 3 tablespoons Garam Masala spice. Now you are going to add your cans of diced tomatoes. Continue cooking and stirring, scraping the bottom of the pan to deglaze it. Add about 2 teaspoons sugar. Let this mixture simmer on medium for about 5 minutes, reduce to low and simmer for 30 minutes.

To a rice cooker add 2 cups Basmati rice, 1 tablespoon butter, 1/4 teaspoon salt, 1 tablespoon curry powder and 4 cups water. Cover, turn on your rice cooker and walk away. If you do not have a rice cooker, cook your rice as usual but make sure that you use Basmati rice.

After the Tikka Masala sauce has had a chance to simmer for 30 minutes, take off heat and  add in the 1 cup of plain yogurt. Stir in chicken into the Tikka Masala sauce. A handful of chopped fresh cilantro is a nice addition if you like cilantro. You can also throw some frozen peas into the cooked rice, give them a stir, and allow the heat of the rice to cook the peas. It tastes great and gives another nice dash of color. Serve the rice with the Chicken Tikka Masala over top. Make sure to have some Nann bread handy, too.

Flat Bread

I used this link for this recipe
 http://www.foodnetwork.com/food/cda/recipe_print/0,1946,FOOD_9936_572006_RECIPE-PRINT-FULL-PAGE-FORMATTER,00.html

I just didn't add the kalonji seeds but DID add the fennel seeds and it was AMAZING! I did use my dutch oven and it was essential. I did have to turn down the heat though and only cook my naan 45 seconds I side and 20 seconds the other side. I also added a little bit of garlic salt to the tops after brushing with melted butter. Other than that I followed the recipe exactly as follows and it turned out EVEN BETTER than flat breads I've had in restaurants! 

Ingredients

• 1 teaspoon active dry yeast
• 2 teaspoons sugar
• 2 cups all-purpose flour, plus more for rolling, see Cook's Note*
• 1 teaspoon fine sea salt
• 1/8 teaspoon baking powder
• 3 tablespoons plain yogurt
• 2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil
• 1 teaspoon kalonji (nigella seeds), optional, see Cook's Note**
• 1 teaspoon fennel seeds, optional, see Cook's Note**
• Melted butter for slathering on the finished naans
• Coarse sea salt for sprinkling

Directions

In a large glass, dissolve the dry yeast and 1 teaspoon sugar with 3/4 cup warm water (about 100 degrees F). Let it sit on your counter until it's frothy, about 10 minutes.

Meanwhile, sift the flour, salt, remaining 1 teaspoon of sugar and baking powder into a large, deep bowl.


Once the yeast is frothy, add the yogurt and the olive oil into the glass, and stir to combine. Pour the yogurt mixture into the dry ingredients and add the kalonji and fennel seeds, if using, and gently mix the ingredients together with a fork. When the dough is about to come together, use your hands to mix. It will feel like there isn't enough flour at first, but keep going until it transforms into a soft, slightly sticky and pliable dough. As soon as it comes together, stop kneading. Cover the dough with plastic wrap or a damp tea towel and let it sit in a warm, draft-free place for 2 to 4 hours.

When you're ready to roll, make sure you have two bowls on your counter: one with extra flour in it, and one with water. The dough will be extremely soft and sticky-this is good! Separate the dough into 6 equal portions and lightly roll each one in the bowl of extra flour to keep them from sticking to each other.


Shape the naan. Using a rolling pin, roll each piece of dough into a teardrop shape, narrower at the top than at the bottom. It should be 8 to 9-inches long, 4-inches wide at its widest point and about 1/4-inch thick. Once you've formed the general shape, you can also pick it up by one end and wiggle it; the dough's own weight will stretch it out a little. Repeat this method with the rest of the dough. (If you're making the gluten-free version, you'll have better luck pressing the dough out with your fingertips, than rolling.)


Warm a large cast-iron skillet over high heat until it's nearly smoking. Make sure you have a lid large enough to fit the skillet and have a bowl of melted butter at the ready.

Dampen your hands in the bowl of water and pick up one of your naans, flip-flopping it from one hand to the other to lightly dampen it. Gently lay it in the skillet and set your timer for 1 minute. The dough should start to bubble.


After about 1 minute, flip the naan. It should be blistered and somewhat blackened, don't worry - that's typical of traditional naan! Cover the skillet with the lid and cook 30 seconds to 1 minute more.

Remove the naan from the skillet, brush with a bit of butter and sprinkle with a little coarse sea salt. Place the naan in a tea towel-lined dish. Repeat with the rest of the naans and serve.